Where is the Pulp? "It is truly a mystery," say authorities.
NAIROBI, Kenya - Authorities are engrossed in a nationwide search for missing orange pulp, which the police spokesperson said is “truly a mystery.”
"Where is the Pulp?"
While displaying a surprisingly vast knowledge of biology, spokesperson Rico Kiraithe said the force had taken a break from bribery, chasing after protesters, banning political meeting and misdirecting traffic to focus on the more urgent matter of answering the question on everyone’s lips: Where is the Pulp?
"A vigilant citizen noticed that whenever he eats oranges at home, he has to chew the pulp after squeezing out the juice in his mouth," explained Kiraithe. "This time round, every time he tried holding an orange, the fruit popped and the pulp went missing. He took the matter very seriously, and decided to report the matter to the police."
This was not the last report, as wananchi started flooding in with complaints of disappearing pulp flooding in from farms, markets and supermarkets across the country.
Kiraithe proceeded to explain that authorities would treat the matter with the seriousness it deserves: “This is no laughing matter. My boys are on the case, and we urge any mwananchi with information on the whereabouts of the pulp to immediately report the matter.”
Authorities have set up a dedicated hashtag to the matter on Twitter, ” #WhereIsThePulp ” where any pointers can be reported, adding that the pursuit of the pulp would not stop until it was found.
Daily Standard attempted to contact government spokesperson A. Mutua, who sleepily mumbled: “Any missing pulp should be reported to me immediately.”
Wananchi have been urged to find out more on the case of the missing pulp on a dedicated website for the matter, whereisthepulp.com.